When It All Falls Apart

Wednesday, June 25, 2014

7.45am woke-up, stayed in bed, snuggles 
8.38am got out of bed, got ready
9am started working on presentation 
12.15pm lunch 
12.40pm shower, again, because I felt like it
1.05pm working on program 
2.45pm pick Miss 10 from school/called PV on the walk/wait to touch base 
3.13pm prepared for 3.30pm meeting 
3.30pm meeting regarding training program 
4.30pm made cup of coffee (for the first time in years!) | planned dinner, lunch, breakfast 
4.46pm preparing documents for mentoring program 
5.23pm talking shop with PV 
5.50pm making dinner together/ PV helps Miss 10 with homework/ continue making lunches for tomorrow 
6.52pm finished cooking/sitting down to dinner 
7.28pm mentoring session/PV washing up & reading/spending time with Miss 10
8.30pm finished mentoring session - notes - points 
9.09pm haven't finished work but baking sultana scones for breakfast
9.45pm scones in the oven, PV washing up :) talking with PV 
10.04pm Person of Interest (I don't watch much TV, but we like to watch at least one show together)
10.53pm headed to bed/read/did my 'day' 
11.47pm sleep 

Days like this make me happy. I thrive on the movement, being engaged and active. I got so much done, the next day things sort of fell apart. There were more 'mundane' things to take care of and interruptions. Around 2pm I hadn't done as much as I had wanted and I burst into tears. I called Patrick. I wasn't upset that I hadn't got enough done, I didn't have a pressing deadline. I just didn't want to stop working. I didn't want to be pulled away from my work for anything - at this point, not even to go and get Miss 10. This isn't saying anything about her, at all. I think it says a lot about me and what I've been used to - which is concentrating on my work. Not having to worry about homework, school lunches, spelling tests and reading time. 

Now my responsibilities and obligations have changed quite significantly and I think this was me just resisting it a little. And now, now I'm sick and completely miserable that I am not at the computer completing my awesome presentation on online advocacy! Not because it needs to be done this second, but because I love what I do and that brings me infinite amounts of joy! 

Do you find that there are times when you want to cling desperately to what you're working on instead of having to do anything else? 
Also, do you keep time logs? I just love them! 


  1. I know how you feel, I especially struggled after going back to work after my maternity leave. I felt that I wasn't pulling my weight at work nor at home, but talking about it helårs:)

  2. Hi Connie, it's not that I feel like I'm not pulling my weight at home or work. Not at all. It's more about just wanting to do what I want to do when I want to do it - because I really really want to do it. I told Patrick it's like a child clutching to their parents.

  3. I know how you feel. I'm a student for a year now and lately my schedules no longer work. The things that pull me away from work are social responsibilities - don't get me wrong, I love hanging out with friends and everything, but sometimes I just would love to keep on working (or in my case studying). Just like tonight: I really need to get work done for my exams on friday but since my friends are done with exams today in the afternoon we're meeting up for dinner later on. On days like today I would love to be able to split in half...
    greetings from Vienna :)

  4. Girlfriend! See I knew there were some lessons you needed to learn. I say this complete love and you know that. I knew that God had a plan for your life and that was not what you wanted because he knew that beautiful girl would need you and P. Also it is amazing to see all the lessons we need to learn before (or if ever) our dreams will come true. I adore you and life is constantly about shifting from our plans and goals to our plans and goals with our partners to that of our children/friends and whoever else we allow close to our hearts. Not to mention at times we desire things that are actually not good for us. I adore and respect you and I know you above most other people can actually do anything you put your brilliant brain to. Little shifting and you'll find yourself unable to recall a time when life had been any different. I mean look at me actually cooking for myself and Jason even if I cook Jason something totally different. I love it now. I would have laughed in your face a year ago if you told me I'd be a housewife right now and love cooking. But here I am laughing at younger Tyne for all my weird thoughts on this life.

    Also I don't really keep time logs. You're a nerd! :-) I do journal a great deal. Sometimes multiple times a day other times I'll go days without.


  5. I've never kept a time log before and now i want to do one over the next few days. I do hope you are feeling much better. I crave the days where my schedule is packed with just enough room to breathe. When i'm bored or have a relaxed schedule, it's hard for me to concentrate or do anything productive towards my PhD. The chaos and pressure makes it easier for me to work and makes me more interested in studying.

    At the moment, i'm not too sure what i'm trying to cling onto. Sanity? Routine perhaps? Or something outside myself...

    xo Stephanie

  6. I don't keep a time log but I imagine it would be good in that you see what you've achieved for the day! Maybe I will start one...I often plan my day with a time line similar to that but I imagine a log would be good for reflection. Is this why you like them? Amy xx



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